I was reading my diary, remembering old dates. There is one I’ll never forget:
I’m really pissed off. Tinder. Do I need to say more?
I’ll tell you anyway. I found a woman on Tinder. Pretty, nice, everything good. We decided to go on a date. Drinks on local restaurant. I went there bit early, waited, waited more and after half an hour I phoned her. She had forgotten the time. She asked me to come to her place, promised to cook food with a glass of wine. It wasn’t really a good beginning, but since I was all dressed up, I decided to go.
Well, as you could guess, she was completely unrecognisable. And not in a positive way. Wasn’t at all like in pictures. Reminded me of my aunt Gertrude after drinking-bout. Her apartment was disgusting. Dirty dishes and empty cider cans all over, bed was unmade, and the vacuum at the corner looked like it hadn’t been used for quite a while. I like to keep my place tidy, so I was shocked. She was pretty drunk and smelling of sweat.
I looked with horror when she took a burnt pizza out of the oven. There weren’t clean plates, so she put it on paper plates and poured the wine into a plastic cup. I was starving but I said I’m not hungry. I tasted the wine – you can imagine the taste of cheapest possible white wine in room temperature, not a pleasure. It didn’t help, that there was lingering cat shit smell you get if you don’t clean your cat’s litter box often enough.
Never have I been so sure at first date, in 15 minutes, that this won’t be a love story of a century,
And the sex also was disappointing.